No one is better than Jay Leno at keeping the Detroit Lions fresh in our memories, even a month after their dubiously historic season ended. The jokes just keep on coming, and each is just as funny as the one that preceded it. So without further do, here are five of my favorites. Keep in mind, Leno has been doing these for years, even since Johnnie Morton exclaimed, after the Lions won a game after being 0-12, "I want Jay Leno to kiss my ass!" (Leno actually did, because Morton sent a donkey out to L.A. for Leno to plant one on). And now the jokes (These are not verbatim, but as close as possible):
- On the Super Bowl and the NFL Experience provided for fans: "The Detroit Lions have a section, fans actually just put on a uniform, stand there and fans boo them and throw beer at them."
- On the upcoming NFL playoffs: "Well it's NFL playoff time... or as the Detroit Lions call it, 'Fantasy Football'.
- On the divisional round of the playoffs: "Lot of good games this weekend, Ravens are playing the Titans, Chargers are playing the Steelers, Lions are playing Guitar Hero."
- Relating the Presidential election: "According to Newsweek, sociologists believe that nine months after election day, there could be tens of thousands of what they call 'Obama babies.' Psychologists say this is not unusual, because a lot of people celebrate a big victory by having sex. That's true. See, that's why there's never been any Detroit Lions babies."
- On their accomplishment of becoming the NFL's first 0-16 team: "I don't want to say they're getting cocky, but some of the players are already starting to talk about doing it again next year."
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Despite Steelers' sixth, 2008 was still a decent season
Let's establish one thing right off the bat: Come Super Bowl Sunday, the Arizona Cardinals will be what we thought they were, and always have thought: they are losers. They have had a great season and deserve credit for their run, but they are overmatched by the Steelers. That said, the new Pittsburgh dynasty is an unwelcome nuisance in this age of supposed parity.
But 2008 had a lot of good things to remember. There was some parity, like the 1-15 Dolphins turning around into division champions. The Ravens qualifying for the AFC championship game with a rookie quarterback. The Falcons unscrambling the mess left by Michael Vick.
For the first time in a long time, all four finalists did not win a single playoff game the previous year. The Titans' 13-3 record was the best in football, the first time since 2002 that the NFL didn't have at least a 14-win team. And the Cardinals removed themselves from a dubious list, those who have never appeared in a Super Bowl. Only the Lions, Saints, Browns, Texans, and Jaguars have never appeared in the Big Game.
The Steelers had a lot of numbers and laws of averages on their side Sunday against Baltimore, much like they did the previous week against 8-8 San Diego, a team essentially playing with house money after a 4-8 start. And on Feb. 1, the Cardinals will be up against not only the league's best defense, but bad history. Seven of the past nine teams making their first Super Bowl appearance have lost, with only the Ravens and Buccaneers being the exception in that span. The Cardinals happen to be going against the team with the most Super Bowl wins, not an enticing proposition for a team that has look extremely pedestrian at times this year.
The Seahawks had a much stronger team than Arizona does, and the Steelers team that defeated them was not as dominant, at least on defense, as this one. Uh-oh.
Oh well. At least there were a lot of positives in 2008, even if the end result did not show it. Did I mention the Patriots were absent from the postseason?
But 2008 had a lot of good things to remember. There was some parity, like the 1-15 Dolphins turning around into division champions. The Ravens qualifying for the AFC championship game with a rookie quarterback. The Falcons unscrambling the mess left by Michael Vick.
For the first time in a long time, all four finalists did not win a single playoff game the previous year. The Titans' 13-3 record was the best in football, the first time since 2002 that the NFL didn't have at least a 14-win team. And the Cardinals removed themselves from a dubious list, those who have never appeared in a Super Bowl. Only the Lions, Saints, Browns, Texans, and Jaguars have never appeared in the Big Game.
The Steelers had a lot of numbers and laws of averages on their side Sunday against Baltimore, much like they did the previous week against 8-8 San Diego, a team essentially playing with house money after a 4-8 start. And on Feb. 1, the Cardinals will be up against not only the league's best defense, but bad history. Seven of the past nine teams making their first Super Bowl appearance have lost, with only the Ravens and Buccaneers being the exception in that span. The Cardinals happen to be going against the team with the most Super Bowl wins, not an enticing proposition for a team that has look extremely pedestrian at times this year.
The Seahawks had a much stronger team than Arizona does, and the Steelers team that defeated them was not as dominant, at least on defense, as this one. Uh-oh.
Oh well. At least there were a lot of positives in 2008, even if the end result did not show it. Did I mention the Patriots were absent from the postseason?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
L.T. could miss most of 2009 with sore fingernail
LaDainian Tomlinson might not spend the 2009 season in a San Diego Chargers uniform. He has had a phenomenal 8-year run with the Chargers, a record-setting run in fact. But with the way his play has declined and the way his previous two seasons have ended, it has left a bitter taste in the mouths of the fans and perhaps of management as well.
The lasting images of what was a great run in 2007, when the Chargers went from 1-3 to the AFC championship game, was Tomlinson sitting on the sidelines in New England with his parka pulled over his head and his eyes hidden behind his tinted visor. This after it was believed he would be able to play in the most important game of his career.
This past season, when the Chargers reeled off four straight wins to capture the AFC West title, Tomlinson injured his groin in the season finale and was only able to play on a limited basis in the wild card round against Indianapolis. In their toughest game of the season at Pittsburgh in the divisional round, Tomlinson once again was M.I.A. In his absence, backup Darren Sproles rushed for only 15 yards as the Steelers rolled. Once again, with his team needing him, Tomlinson was nowhere to be found as the Chargers' season came to an end.
Tomlinson is slowly turning into either a prima donna, a machine with failing parts, or just a running back with extremely bad timing when it comes to injuries. His legacy may be one of greatness, but only in the regular season. He has never excelled in the postseason, either due to injury or ineffectiveness, and ultimately that may spell the end of his time in southern California.
The lasting images of what was a great run in 2007, when the Chargers went from 1-3 to the AFC championship game, was Tomlinson sitting on the sidelines in New England with his parka pulled over his head and his eyes hidden behind his tinted visor. This after it was believed he would be able to play in the most important game of his career.
This past season, when the Chargers reeled off four straight wins to capture the AFC West title, Tomlinson injured his groin in the season finale and was only able to play on a limited basis in the wild card round against Indianapolis. In their toughest game of the season at Pittsburgh in the divisional round, Tomlinson once again was M.I.A. In his absence, backup Darren Sproles rushed for only 15 yards as the Steelers rolled. Once again, with his team needing him, Tomlinson was nowhere to be found as the Chargers' season came to an end.
Tomlinson is slowly turning into either a prima donna, a machine with failing parts, or just a running back with extremely bad timing when it comes to injuries. His legacy may be one of greatness, but only in the regular season. He has never excelled in the postseason, either due to injury or ineffectiveness, and ultimately that may spell the end of his time in southern California.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Steelers: the new Patriots?
Should the Pittsburgh Steelers win two more games en route their NFL-leading sixth Super Bowl title, can they be considered a 21st-century dynasty? It would be their second in four years, and more importantly, give them two more in the past four years than the New England Patriots, thought to be the first (and only) dynasty this decade to date.
The Steelers are not a flashy team, nor are they even a dominant team. They are easy to dislike for me as a Ravens fan, but nowhere near Patriot-hatable. They aren't exactly world-class guys, but they generally don't possess the bend-or-break-the-rules-at-cost mentally that Bill Belichick's squad does.
The Patriots videotaped their way to three Super Bowl titles at the start of the decade, while the Steelers fielded strong teams, but not championship-caliber teams. They suffered two AFC championship game losses to New England before finally breaking through in 2005.
What would a second Lombardi trophy in four years mean? The good would be that they would supplant the Patriots as the current NFL powerhouse. The bad is that it's the Steelers, a team that won four Super Bowls with the help off avid steroid use in the 1970s. While this team doesn't closely resemble the Steel Curtain teams, history is far too appreciated in the Steel City to go unnoticed and be disconnected from the modern-day group.
I am, as usual, pessimistic about the banged-up Ravens' chances this Sunday, and the Steelers would figure to be considerable favorites against either the Eagles or Cardinals in the Super Bowl, meaning we could be heading down a familiar, and painful, path once again.
The Steelers are not a flashy team, nor are they even a dominant team. They are easy to dislike for me as a Ravens fan, but nowhere near Patriot-hatable. They aren't exactly world-class guys, but they generally don't possess the bend-or-break-the-rules-at-cost mentally that Bill Belichick's squad does.
The Patriots videotaped their way to three Super Bowl titles at the start of the decade, while the Steelers fielded strong teams, but not championship-caliber teams. They suffered two AFC championship game losses to New England before finally breaking through in 2005.
What would a second Lombardi trophy in four years mean? The good would be that they would supplant the Patriots as the current NFL powerhouse. The bad is that it's the Steelers, a team that won four Super Bowls with the help off avid steroid use in the 1970s. While this team doesn't closely resemble the Steel Curtain teams, history is far too appreciated in the Steel City to go unnoticed and be disconnected from the modern-day group.
I am, as usual, pessimistic about the banged-up Ravens' chances this Sunday, and the Steelers would figure to be considerable favorites against either the Eagles or Cardinals in the Super Bowl, meaning we could be heading down a familiar, and painful, path once again.
Monday, January 12, 2009
A grim baseball season approaching in 2009
Is there any point in watching baseball in 2009? The competitive balance was already going to be any issue, and that was before the Yankees spent half of America's economy in free agency and the Red Sox added another half-roster to their already loaded squad just to stick it to the Yankees. As we know, that's all that matters in Boston.
Unfortunately, the rest of baseball has been virtually idle. The Rays are headed for a major downfall, and while the Cubs threw some money at some more players, the best they can hope for is to take the weak National League before getting smoked in the Series by one of the Evil Empires.
The Blue Jays and Orioles will duke it out for 4th place in the AL East, and both will be lucky to crack 70 wins in another broken-record of a season. The Phillies may have broken the city's mini-curse, but that's all they'll get, as it's likely back to reality next year. The NL West is simply dead weight to baseball.
So, when do NFL training camps start?
Unfortunately, the rest of baseball has been virtually idle. The Rays are headed for a major downfall, and while the Cubs threw some money at some more players, the best they can hope for is to take the weak National League before getting smoked in the Series by one of the Evil Empires.
The Blue Jays and Orioles will duke it out for 4th place in the AL East, and both will be lucky to crack 70 wins in another broken-record of a season. The Phillies may have broken the city's mini-curse, but that's all they'll get, as it's likely back to reality next year. The NL West is simply dead weight to baseball.
So, when do NFL training camps start?
Thursday, January 01, 2009
No Pats? Great. Wild Card Weekend? Odd.
A Sunday unlike too many others for me transpired and I was thankful. December 28, 2008: the day that my hometown Ravens qualified for the postseason while the Patriots did not. To make it sweeter, New England wasted an 11-5 season, becoming the first team in 23 years to win 11 games and miss the postseason. The playoffs can now be enjoyed without the Patriots being able to cheat and terrorize as they have six of the past seven seasons.
But how about this for an oddity? For the first time in recent memory (and probably ever), all four road teams are favored in the Wild Card round. So much for home field advantage in the postseason, right? While it can't be expected for that to happen in the division round, it is a resounding statement that this year is a free-for-all. No Patriots, no problem. Now other teams don't have to worry about succumbing to divine intervention, just old-school, smash-mouth football.
The oddity of four road teams being favored is due in large part to the fact that two of the games feature road teams with three and four more wins than their home counterpart. The Ravens and Dolphins have identical 11-5 records, while the Eagles and Vikings are separated by just a half game.
The feeling here is that at least one home team will prevail, considering two of the visiting teams are starting rookie quarterbacks and the Chargers have always had the Colts' number. The Vikings, meanwhile, are the largest of the four underdogs at a full three points (same as Baltimore-Miami), but are 6-2 at home this season.
But alas, this is a weekend to truly rejoice. January is here, and New England is not. Junior Seau once again will go ringless, as will Randy Moss and how-many-4-yard-out-patterns-can-you-run-and-call-yourself-great Wes Welker. Bill Belichick will not stalk the sidelines in his hoodie, nor will he have any hidden cameras at any games (that we know of).
Truly odd, but great nonetheless.
But how about this for an oddity? For the first time in recent memory (and probably ever), all four road teams are favored in the Wild Card round. So much for home field advantage in the postseason, right? While it can't be expected for that to happen in the division round, it is a resounding statement that this year is a free-for-all. No Patriots, no problem. Now other teams don't have to worry about succumbing to divine intervention, just old-school, smash-mouth football.
The oddity of four road teams being favored is due in large part to the fact that two of the games feature road teams with three and four more wins than their home counterpart. The Ravens and Dolphins have identical 11-5 records, while the Eagles and Vikings are separated by just a half game.
The feeling here is that at least one home team will prevail, considering two of the visiting teams are starting rookie quarterbacks and the Chargers have always had the Colts' number. The Vikings, meanwhile, are the largest of the four underdogs at a full three points (same as Baltimore-Miami), but are 6-2 at home this season.
But alas, this is a weekend to truly rejoice. January is here, and New England is not. Junior Seau once again will go ringless, as will Randy Moss and how-many-4-yard-out-patterns-can-you-run-and-call-yourself-great Wes Welker. Bill Belichick will not stalk the sidelines in his hoodie, nor will he have any hidden cameras at any games (that we know of).
Truly odd, but great nonetheless.
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